dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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