My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
