need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
