Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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