i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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