Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
