Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
