i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
