I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
