Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
