careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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