I just saw a hot homeless man
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
