Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize