Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
