and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize