I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
