talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
