I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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