Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
