I just pynch a tree in the face
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
