Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
They have beer where we have blood.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have tasted many bathrooms
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
