The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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