Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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