I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
