shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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