I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
