my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
