omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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