I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize