Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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