you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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