its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
