the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
