Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This toilet bowl is my home.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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