fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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