Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
