We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize