I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
