Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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