You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
