His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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