I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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