I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
