What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize