You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
