then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
