so explain again why im purple
no
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
