Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
