Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
