So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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