I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
