you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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