Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
