Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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