i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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