I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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