when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
