Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
