i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
