so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize