i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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