i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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