She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize