you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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