i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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