Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
