All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
