I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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