i already hear my dad disowning me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
