It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
