So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
did you just send me my own nude
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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