My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
