left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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