Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
