The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
