my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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