It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
